My Life of Beauty – The Growth of Myself with Hardships

Beauty, to me, never made sense.

I thought I had to be a version that was admired by everyone. So many designated rules were created for humans to become “normal.” Ever since I was little, cherishable memories would be stapled in my head, starting from birthdays to spending time with friends. What was the point of all this, though? Why did I have to be born in a world that didn’t romanticize these memories? People were made so we can leave behind traces of our existence and marks. Nothing more, nothing less. There were moments of existential crisis I’d go through, and it only made me question myself more. Finding this world beautiful felt like a challenge. Schooling would hit me with endless assignments, cries, exams, and social conflicts. It’s not like I could run to anyone for help; everyone’s in their own competition. I was terrified of dealing with family conflict too. But it’s life; family isn’t perfect. I couldn’t run to my family with my problems either because I grew up taking care of myself from my childish years and on. Not only was I taking care of myself, but I also had to help my parents and sister with their own problems. My family’s dynamic changed completely, and that worried me for the future. Throughout my moments of hardship, I asked myself something.

“How do I find a way to make my life worth it?”

As puberty hit, severe acne started to form on my face when I was 12, and that was one of the lowest points of my life. Waking up feeling disgusted was a routine every morning. Makeup was my best friend at 14 years old. I told myself so many horrendous things that I was degrading myself. Acne wasn’t the problem here; it was my mental state. Going through high school with the pressure to go to a perfect university haunted me, making my mental health plummet. Learning to apply self-love, healthy social dynamics, as well as academic achievement never mixed. It almost sounded like a dream. But the truth is, it is a dream. No human is meant to mix all of those in one. The key is balance. I attempted to focus on one problem at a time, starting with my self-love journey. I’ll be honest when I say that it’s impossible to be truly proud and successful in anything if you don’t love yourself first. Acne took over my life and dignity. I spent so much money on skincare and wasted so many products just trying to find the perfect routine. Some people are lucky and find their regimen right away. That was not the case for me; it took me 4 years of research to find something that suited my concerns. For some, it may take longer, and I want to let those people know that their journey is their own. Acne was just one of the few battles I had to fight, and it stripped all my confidence. But this condition opened a side of myself that I buried right when I saw those pimples form. My determination to grow. After watching videos and reading articles to fight acne, I realized along the way my love for skincare and the aesthetics of human growth. My love for this topic opened doors to so many ways to love myself. Even when the acne was going away, I started to miss the excitement of finding a product I thought would work. I’ve been sticking to the same routine for two years, and the determination to look for more skincare disappeared.

Confidence slowly came back, but all my problems didn’t go away.

The strive for academic validation and social dynamics were floating throughout the self-love step. The difference between self-love and societal concerns is that self-love requires your own dignity, while society wants you to hold a balance with everything. The respect and pride I had for myself now allowed me to treat everything else around me with care and concentration. The new eye for beauty made me see the world with a double perspective. One is the good side, and the other is the bad side. We shouldn’t run away from the bad parts this world gives us; instead, we should take those negative aspects and turn them into a chance to see the better.